I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
