it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
