North Korea, Best Korea!
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
