This is not my ceiling
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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