nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
It's official drugs can't kill me
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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