I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
