I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
