Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
