All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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