Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
