he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
