I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
