I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
