i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
