The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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