An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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