I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize