the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Randomize
