you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
