New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
