ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i think i have herpe
just one?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
