i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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