I'm going to jail i love you
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize