Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
