hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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