I love black thongs
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
