Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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