I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
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