He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
