Your face is a jimmy john
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
