I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
