If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
