Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
