It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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