The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
