Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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