I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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