ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
