I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
