She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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