hotel room ftw
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
