Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
tell me about the eggs
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