I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
