just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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