I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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