Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
