She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
