Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
