i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
