So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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