So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
