is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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