just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
