He uses pillows to masturbate.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Randomize
