Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
