my mouth tastes like poor choices
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
