And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
