We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
