This girl is more easily done than said...
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
