my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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