Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
