I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
