I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize