Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize
