He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize