Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
