I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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