i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
