I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
