I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
