no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
