i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
