This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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