i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
