y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Betty ford says i'm here all night
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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