he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
