I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize
