you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
