he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
