Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
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