I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
