Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
