I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
