Can i not drive my cunt home
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Randomize
