Me too!
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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