The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Randomize
