My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
