ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
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