If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
