Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
