I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
