shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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