i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
