It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
