I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
