do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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