Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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