I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
