No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
