we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
