i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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