look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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