He is like the real live version of the state fair..
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Found the puke drawer
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
