she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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