he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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