Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Randomize
