This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
