We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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