well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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