My brain says no but my pants say off.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
