You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Sacagawea was the original milf.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize