i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
